the biggest blow

Damn did this hit hard:


Not suprisingly, we girls chat about life stuff.  We chat about our men and our friends and our jobs.  We chat about our plans.  When we were younger, we talked about getting married.  Later, we talked about getting pregnant.

While Mike and I wanted to get pregnant before most of our friends, we all were thinking about getting pregnant that same year. 

Our closest friends -- who we refer to as our "same-sex significant others" were kind of waffling about the idea.  They took the "Pull-the-Goalie-and-See-What-Happens" approach.  They weren't even positive they wanted kids, but figured fate would make the decision for them.

One night, while Mike and I were having a drink on the deck said girlfriend came over to meet our new puppy.

Then she announced she was pregnant.

Somehow I am not articulating how profound this was. 

Let me see...

My friend who had claimed throughout our entire friendship that she didn't think she wanted to have kids, stopped taking birth control and got pregnant the next month.

Not quite there.

My friend who had been supporting me through six months of trying -- and failing -- to get pregnant, was now pregnant without even so much as peeing on an ovulation stick.

Closer.

My friend got what I wanted more than anything without any struggle whatsoever.

I think I've just about put my finger on the So-Not-Fair ness of the thing, so we'll leave it at that.  Any more and I'll just sound like a five-year-old.

Which, after she left, is mostly how I handled the news. 

I totally curled up on the sofa and cried.  In my defense, Mike cried too.  We both felt the pain of not having what someone else found so easily and the helplessness of not being able to do anything about it.